The solar system’s gym is packed, and every planet has its own questionable workout philosophy. Here’s how things would go down if the planets traded orbits for barbells.
Jupiter – The Perpetual Bulker
Jupiter is the guy who says, “Cutting is for the weak” and loads up on protein shakes like they’re going out of fashion. Always lifting heavy, never skipping leg day, and constantly reminding everyone about “mass equals power.”
Venus – The Selfie Addict
Venus has the best gym outfits, perfect lighting, and a camera angle that makes even a two-pound dumbbell lift look dramatic. Between mirror checks and Instagram stories, actual workouts are a distant priority.
Mars – The Aggressive HIIT Enthusiast
Mars doesn’t believe in casual workouts—every session is a battlefield. Always grunting, always moving, and always telling people that their workout isn’t “intense enough.” Rest days? Weakness.
Saturn – The Disciplined Coach
Saturn is that one gym bro who follows a strict routine, eats clean, and judges anyone who skips warm-ups. Always giving unsolicited fitness advice but actually knows what he’s talking about.
Mercury – The Cardio Maniac
Mercury only shows up for the treadmill and sprints like it’s running from its responsibilities. Probably does 5K before breakfast and then judges anyone who thinks walking at an incline is “good enough.”
Neptune – The Dreamy Gym Drifter
Neptune is physically present but mentally somewhere else. Shows up with good intentions, does a few stretches, then gets lost in deep thoughts while holding a dumbbell.
Uranus – The Unpredictable One
Uranus does workouts that make no sense but somehow work. One day it’s CrossFit, the next it’s upside-down push-ups. No one understands the routine, but the results are undeniable.
Pluto – The Gym Ghost
No one knows if Pluto is still part of the gym or just occasionally drops in when nostalgia hits. Claims to be “still active” but hasn’t been seen lifting anything in years.
Discover everything about astrology at the Times of India, including daily horoscopes for Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Cancer, Leo, Virgo, Libra, Scorpio, Sagittarius, Capricorn, Aquarius, and Pisces.